She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What a dumb baby whore.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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