yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
