I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
