He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize