I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
