You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
