he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have fence marks all over my body
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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