I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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