I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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