You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
