If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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