cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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