Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
