Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
