If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize