pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
