he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
