You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
