Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
