Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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