There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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