The maid of honor just puked.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
