am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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