i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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