They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize