whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize