you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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