at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
