Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
