Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
