I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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