Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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