Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
