Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
