I think my fart just growled at me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
