my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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