Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
