The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
