god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
