Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
