im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
