he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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