I am puke
You work out of a Hotel?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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