so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
