I smell stomach acid.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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