The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I had to cum in my sink.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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