Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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