sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
