I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
