she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
