Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
