I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
