She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
