Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
