She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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