i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
