I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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