It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
