No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
