I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
