he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
did i just pee glitter
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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