3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
