So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
