Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
