Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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