He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
