Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
