Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
