We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
as a side note pls kill me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
