Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
