Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
