I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
