Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
