in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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