Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
