I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
