If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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