I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Operation Purity has been aborted
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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