I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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