she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
