drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
